Let It Go
by nebbyJen
Summary: Ronon deals with a moment from his past with a little help from Rodney.


**Let It Go** by NebbyJen

Summary: Ronon ponders his past with a little help from McKay (Answer to 5 Minute Fic Challenge on SGAHC)

Rated: K+ for mild cuss words

A/N: Standard disclaimer: Not mine, just taking them out for a spin. I'll put them back when I'm done.

**Let It Go**

"Hm, I didn't know Beckett let you out already."

Ronon inwardly flinched at the sound of the nasally intonation. Hoping to be left alone, McKay was the last person he wanted to see at the moment. Perhaps if he ignored the scientist, the so called genius would take the hint and keep on walking. But when the cookie munching, coffee breathing man came to stand beside him on the balcony and rest his arms on the railing, it was clear that the runner's subliminal 'go away' message was either not received, or it was just ignored.

"You need something?" he finally grunted, tired of listening to Rodney suck crumbs out of his teeth.

"No." McKay took a deep breath and stretched his elbows towards his back in an attempt to loosen his tight shoulder muscles. A head roll to the left and then to the right, he let the breath back out. "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

Forearms back on the railing, the scientist flicked a few stray crumbs from his sleeve into the churning water below. "Need something?"

"Silence."

Still completely clueless, McKay pressed on. "Huh. I would have thought spending a day and a half in the dark, sealed alone in a cave, with a concussion," he rapped his knuckles against his skull, "you would have had enough silence."

Ronon folded his arms over his chest and stared out towards the setting sun. "You're wrong."

That earned him a disgruntled snort of superiority.

"Oh, right, I forgot, you like being alone. My mistake." Empty mug in hand, Rodney turned on his heels and headed for the doorway.

"I wasn't alone." The minute the words passed his lips, he caught himself grinding his teeth, waiting for the acerbic reply he knew was bound to happen.

A step away from the exit, Rodney stopped in mid-stride to look back over his shoulder at the stoic figure highlighted in the setting sun. "When we found you, there wasn't anyone else in the cave."

Dex took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "I know."

Rodney remained silent for a moment and then snapped his fingers. "The concussion. Trauma to the head can cause hallucinations. You weren't in your right mind and decided a make-believe individual might help pass the time until you were rescued. It was a person, right? Because if your overloaded brainstem had you making friends with a tree root, Heightmeyer is going to have a field day."

"McKay," Ronon growled, trying to stop further comment.

"Did it talk back? The tree root, or whatever you were talking to?"

He regretted saying anything, but now it was too late. McKay was a dog with a bone and not about to let go. "It wasn't a thing, it was a 'her'."

"Herrrrrr, who?" the scientist drawled, once again standing along the railing, but this time facing the larger man. The slight hint of amusement was fading from his inquisitive eyes.

Ronon turned to McKay, his dark expression daring the man to give him a reason to lose control. "My mother."

Rodney's mouth opened and closed several times like a fish out of water, before he tipped his head sideways and pinched the bridge of his nose. Squinting tightly, he finally looked up to meet the other man's gaze. "I thought she was dead."

"She is."

"Oh."

The sound of someone walking along the inner passageway caused them both to grow quiet until the person passed.

"What did you talk about?"

Ronon's haunted gaze swept back out over the ocean. "It doesn't matter. It wasn't real."

Rodney couldn't hide his scowl. "I'm not big on hocus pocus and ghosts, but if I had a second chance to talk to my mother, I'm not sure how I'd feel."

"Is she dead?"

"Couldn't tell you. I don't know."

Ronon appeared to digest what McKay had said before he grunted, shifting to look back at Atlantis. "She was taken during a second culling of Seteda. I had been able to keep her safe during the first."

"Why'd the wraith come back?"

"Do they need a reason? They did and I wasn't there to protect her."

The sky was now filled with a black and gold glow, casting long somber shadows across the floating city as the two men stood on the balcony in silent contemplation.

Rodney scratched the side of his neck in hesitation, not quite sure what to say next. Personal conversation was not his strong suit and all on Atlantis knew that. In for a penny, in for a pound, he asked the question on the tip of his tongue. "Where were you?"

"We'd had a fight. I demanded that she leave and go someplace safe. She said the Wraith would not come back and refused." He blinked, the memory still fresh, even after eight years. "I returned to my unit and never saw her again."

"Until today..."

Anger flared across Ronon's face, "She wasn't there. Like you said, I had a concussion."

"What did she say?" Rodney repeated.

The runner's back grew stiff. "That I would be found and that it wasn't my time to die," he snapped.

"Guess she was right. Although I still don't believe in ghosts. Did she say anything else?"

"That I..." his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "that I was not to blame myself for what happened to her."

Rodney stared inside his empty mug, wishing for a stiff drink to share. Then again, with a head injury, Carson would have his ass if he got Goliath drunk. Hating this personal touchy feely stuff, but knowing that this was one of those times that demanded more than an awkward offer of coffee, he flexed his fingers at his side and then reached out and grasped Ronon's forearm in a tight grip. "She was right."

A multitude of emotions cascaded across the runner's face, eventually leaving him at peace. He stared hard at McKay, making the scientist take an involuntary step back, before he returned the firm grasp, sealing the moment. "I know."

They stood in silence until Rodney tugged his arm, trying to break free. "You aren't going to try and hug me are you? Because, I have a selfish bastard reputation to keep up."

Ronon snorted in disgust and dropped the scientist's arm. "You're secret's safe with me."

"Good." Rodney straightened his shirt and then shook his empty mug upside down. "Hungry?"

The familiar devious smile lit up Dex's face, "Starving."

The scientist was first through the doorway, nearly stumbling when the runner smacked him on the shoulder. Talking a mile a minute about the possible dinner menu, the two men missed the final ray of dusk pass over the balcony and then fade away.

The End

A/N: I changed the selfless bastard to selfish bastard, but I still kind of like it the other way. I don't see Rodney considering himself to be selfish. He probably feels that all he does is give to save Atlantis and the others, not realizing that he actually takes more.


End file.
